"Living out the belief that we are superior to our children merely because we are adults implies that our children are less important simply because they are young." -Natalie Tellish Kids. They don’t have their own money or the ability to earn it and have little to no control over their own schedule. During a significant portion of their lives, it’s even required they ask permission to use the restroom! It’s clear to see that kids are powerless if we stop to think about it. Adults do not have the same limitations and expectations put on them that children do, and it’s important that as parents, we become aware of the ways we can offer our children opportunities to make their own choices and feel autonomy over their own lives. We limit their screen time but use our own electronics without restriction. We don’t allow them to have snacks when it’s bedtime, but if we are hungry, we do not tell ourselves that the kitchen is closed. As adults, we can eat in the living room, but we tell our kids they must eat at the table. We can feel grumpy, irritable, and angry. But when our children do the same thing, we call them disrespectful.
By living our daily lives within these dynamics, we are insinuating that we are superior to our children simply because we are adults. The children have no choice but to conclude that they are inferior to us--- less than--- not as important or worthy. And then, with that dynamic and those feelings present, we expect them to cooperate with our every demand with smiles on their faces.
It’s likely that our parents treated us this way. They told us, “You’re not mature enough to handle {fill in the blank},” and, “When you pay the bills, you can make the rules.”
We carry this concept into our own parenting without remembering how hurtful it was to us at the time.
So, am I saying we should let our children do whatever they want, whenever they want? Absolutely not. We need to set healthy boundaries for our kids based on agreed upon family values. However, we need to model the self-discipline, freedom to make mistakes, and show ourselves, our partners, and our children grace when things don’t go as intended. Working through things as a team is a great way to help kids learn to resolve conflicts. If we are constantly overpowering them to make life more convenient for us, the only thing they are learning is that whoever has the most power in a situation is the one who gets to be “right.”
Sitting down and treating our children as equals in terms of having their own valid thoughts, feelings, and needs goes a long way. If we have expectations for our children that we are not holding ourselves to, resentment is bound to build up.
Let’s make sure that the expectations we set are ones the entire family is willing to implement, follow, and hold one another accountable to. Another great tool is knowing which behaviors are age-appropriate at the ages and stages are children are in.
The reason it’s important to be mindful not to set expectations that are outside the realm of being age-appropriate for a child is that it sets them up for situations where they simply cannot be successful.
If you’re interested in learning more about setting boundaries and set self-discipline through yoga and midful practice according to your family values and holding those boundaries without the use of punishment or force, let’s talk! Join the community where parents are learning to challenge their current beliefs and consciously choose a more empowered way of treating themselves and their children.
I help families build deep, meaningful connections within their homes and work through conflicts peacefully, as a team.
I look forward to connecting with you!
With so much love!
xoxo,
Source: Natalie Tellish
With so much love!
xoxo,
Comments